Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
