my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
