too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
