there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
