from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
