dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
