problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
