your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
