nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize