Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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