I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize