It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
