...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
