high people should be assigned attendants
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
