She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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