I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize