she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
