even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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