the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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