Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
