I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
