Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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