I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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