I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
