I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
