are you still at the devil's house?
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
