i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He kissed a someone with a penis
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
