Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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