were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
