youre lurking in front of me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
