I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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