so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize