Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think I sprained my soul last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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