I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
