I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize