My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
