just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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