i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize