Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
