Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
