I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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