Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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