My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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