My room smells like vodka and shame
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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