I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
