and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
