no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
