Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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