i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
