awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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