I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Even my vagina gasped.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
