she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
