hotel room ftw
You're my little dorito
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
