whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
