I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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