Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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