Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
