Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
