This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
