I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
