I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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