I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
