Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize