loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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