You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
