When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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