my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we're so committed to being not committed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
