I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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