i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
