Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
