All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
