her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
organizing the empties. That sober.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
