I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
