this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
4 words: hood of his car
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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