Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
