Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
