listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize