I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
