I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
