You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize