get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Bring me that man meat
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
