I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
