Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
